When you’re with the right guy, he won’t hesitate to wife you. December 7, 2017, 1:59 pm. Best relationship I’ve ever been in. I'm tired of waiting for my bf to propose. For example, invest more energy with your female companions. LW1 you sound like a horrific drama queen cry baby. I adored him. Waiting says to the world: My life is on hold for this man. Dangling the idea of a ring in front of you like that was a cruel trick to keep you hanging on. Sorry but no. You both suck – I can only imagine the time his wife spent taking care of those kids so you could rob them of time with their father. Even if he ever does propose to you — and I find that highly doubtful — the chances of your actually having a wedding are close to zero. Seven years, and I guess I’ve finally washed enough of your clothes!”? It’s a cookie cake! Not because I’m giving up “benefits” or anything like that, but because “moving in” means different things to different people. It's 2014, if you want to get married you can ask the man. If that were the case, DW wouldn’t have so many letters where women are waiting (for years, sometimes) on the guy to propose to them. I think you need to stop focusing on the little things. Do you really think that little of yourself? She had a picture of a gift her boyfriend had given her (a cookie cake), which was the exact same gift my guy just gave me! You knew who I was when you married me. You can have a say by walking away. Copyright © 2021 Dear Wendy. So far, so good for everyone. He has told me since the beginning that he knows that I am the one for him and that he is sure that he doesn't want to be with anyone else. A story first reported by the Kenyan news site Tuko has gone viral globally for its protagonist’s folk hero-like litigiousness. Posted on April 25, 2013 - By Ashley Page. Stay positive– I have a friend that is going through something that she has to tackle day in and day out.But every time the situation is brought up she is positive and speaks highly in trusting God’s plan. I’m tired of waiting and tired of bringing it up. You adore the man, you’re given to him and he just won’t pop the inquiry. You can read about me here, peruse the archives here and read popular posts here. You’ll eventually get married to a dude who only married you because he ran out of excuses. I am honestly harboring so much bitterness and resentment that at this point it’s almost as if, why the hell ask me now? Shut that down. Skyblossom Don’t continue to spend your time with someone who doesn’t value you and your relationship. Drop all commitment talk from your vocabulary. I had a lovely semi-surprise proposal (dude’s not as sneaky as he thinks he is) but we had talked about it often before, got me sized for a ring together, etc. Just MOA and find a guy who is really excited to marry you. That makes no sense. Try your hardest not to do anything rash while waiting for a proposal, like tell your partner off for not meeting your expectations (trust us, this is only likely to delay the proposal when he or … I was naive and inexperienced. Guy Friday To me, it means committing to building a life together, and I would want to be very sure of that commitment. That sounds an awful lot like you, doesn't it? Its so incredibly archaic to wait on your little pedestal till he suprise asks you. December 7, 2017, 10:12 am. You’re so obsessed with why he hasn’t proposed, but I’m really curious about why on earth you’d want to marry him. You could wait forever whilst he. MOA, MOA, MOA!!! LW1: He doesn’t want to marry you. It’s him. It has nothing to do with sex or financial benefits. Of course he is. MissDre The more concerning part is that it appears that you cannot even bring up the topic of where you are at in your relationship without him getting angry. “I adore my beau and I’m tired of waiting for him to propose.” That sounds a dreadful part as you, isn’t that right? It just means that you treat your husband much differently than your boyfriend. carolann So not something you need to analyze any further. These range from not being monetarily steady, to dread of losing his opportunity to simply being attentive in light of the fact that his own particular guardians separated. I did a little snooping and found his ex’s Instagram. No kids. @Nikita You seem to have missed the part where she tried to have a discussion about marriage and he shouted at her to shut it down. When he doesn’t they are bitter (and they have the right to be) and feel like they wasted their life. December 7, 2017, 5:11 pm. "Oh, God, please tell me they actually have a plan." @LW1 been there, done that. "I" had become a "we." Girl, just move on. I’m sure you do think you’d be lost without him, because you have spent your entire adult life with him. You love the man, you're devoted to him and he just won't pop the question. You don’t need this shit. I am tired of not being enough. I recently started dating a new guy, but we aren’t official. You simply need to figure out how to saddle that power so you can really start to impart your life to him as a couple. Well, a guy shouldn't feel like he's being forced into getting engaged—at the end of the day, you want him to want to marry you. You don’t just sit around and wait for someone to propose. Surest way to have him ask you, but it is too late anyway, you seem to be over this relationship. I am in my 30’s now and looking back, I was like what the hell was I thinking. He promised end of 2018. Whether you’ve been with your partner forever or a short period of time, you may start asking yourself: “Should I propose?”Even though the old saying goes "when you know, you know," there are certain signs that it’s time to pop the question that you should look for—some are pretty obvious; others are a bit subtler. When I think of all the REALLY bad presents I gave exes (and even my wife!) It’s sad. It was good enough then, it should be good enough now. And any dude who was about to propose but decided not to because his gf got a manicure is a major ass. After enduring the pain of my cousin’s AND his sister’s engagements, I’ve almost completely given up any hope. I think you need to know that the two of you would be together for life even if marriage didn’t exist before you get married. December 7, 2017, 11:03 am. All rights reserved. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over six years now and have lived together for five years. You have different intimacies and boundaries with a husband than a boyfriend. Think about that. LW3: Well what did you think would happen when you set your sights on a married father?? What do I do from here??? I’m Tired of Waiting For Him to Propose! My whole point though is I’m tired of waiting for him to decide to love me, to give me the relationship fantasy, and for him to be a loyal, loving partner. Single and Tired of Waiting for Love: 5 Things to do while you wait. . We're college educated, have successful careers, financially secure... so I don't understand what the hold up is. Even worse! I’m shuddering because of your attitude, thinking you have to wait around while a man decides your fate. Honestly, as a woman of color, this is a huge problem in my community and has been for decades, so I’m not encouraging my daughters to go down that road. Working towards getting a commitment is clearly as yet going to be your core interest. He is telling you that you have no right to have answers to any questions which involve your joint future. Gross. Welcome! This is the 3rd 'waiting for a proposal/ring' thread in less than a week. Yes, move on! Therapy wouldn’t be a bad idea, with the goal of seeing your own worth. He isn’t treating you as an equal partner or as a partner at all. How do I make a fulfilling new life and include my partner? Geez. . He said we would be married within the year. Follow. (I wouldn't, but I'm old). And on one hand that’s a bit shallow, but on the other hand, my husband precoordinated with a friend to take pics of our engagement when he planned it out, and we used one on our save the date cards. He is trying to take away your ability to make informed decisions about your own future. I’ve been in a similar situation too and broke things off after getting tired of waiting. Facebook. You’ve spent seven years being brainwashed into thinking you can’t function without his lame ass around, and that’s simply not true. And learning what good relationships look like in the 21st century. 0 0. Just made 4 years this past Sunday and in still waiting. I had a couple of friends who went with this. Because you love him and “would be lost without him”? Dear lord. It’s wrong of him if he does that, but then everything he’s done has been dishonest so far so it’s hard to say how wrong he would find it. Have some faith! Just wait it out. I’d say communication is key, but if he shouts down talk about whether marriage and kids are on the cards, and timeframes, then he’s never going to engage and be the grownup you need him to be. That’s pitiful. LW3 has a LOT of nerve! My husband proposed earlier than I expected, and we’ve been going strong for over 4 years now and are about to have our 1st child. Cookie cake is the food of the gods. Saying things like “enduring the pain of my cousin AND his sister’s engagement.” Or “every vacation, trip and weekend I’ve tried to look my best.”. That your worth is tied up in whether a man proposes to you? On the off chance that you go up against the issues that are keeping him down, he’ll in the long run let those obstructions down and be more open to committing. December 7, 2017, 6:53 pm. They’re all in happy marriages. We even managed to pull off long distance for the first two years, had a break up after 4, but for the last 3 years we have been mostly happy. Skyblossom I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before he starts wondering why I’m not taking the bait and contacting him. Cleopatra Jones While it is important to take your partner’s goals into consideration, it is equally important for him to take your dreams and wishes for a family and marriage into consideration. When your boyfriend is getting ready to pop the question, you just might find him spending a lot more time on his phone than usual. You end it. Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. It is a big commitment and for some people its what they want… but its absolutely not the same thing as legally becoming family. Bravo that it worked for you but that is not the case for every woman! I promise, you’ll be so much happier. Wendy! I think you can have that level of commitment without marriage and I think you should have it before marriage but many people who live together don’t have that level of commitment. What you need is a job that provides enough for you to live on and a place of your own. And you were 19. New Here? SpaceySteph A proposal should make you feel really special and if asking him takes that away or kills the magic moment, it’ll create “disgruntled” feelings which will cause some problems down the … LW2: I thought you were about to imply that he was still her boyfriend. Do this by unpretentiously calming his tension about marriage. I, on the other hand, wouldn’t agree to marry someone without living with them first, and am extremely grateful for the certainty our previous cohabitation gave me when I did agree to marry him. He says he's not ready or it's not time yet, but you disagree. . And why are you allowing him to dictate the timeline and falling into a depression over it as if you have no choice but to wait around? I don't know what that means. Take a look at yourself and please move on. When I told my friend, all proud about it, her first response was “So you got your girlfriend a belt that’s designed to help her LOSE WEIGHT and FIX HER ABS?” and I basically wanted to crawl under my desk So all I’m saying is that before you bail on the guy, let him get to know you a little better and see if the presents start to get a little more personal and thoughtful. And what that looks like to the world, and to HIM, is a lack of self-esteem. He isn’t good enough to deserve you. The guy who wants to marry you will be happy to talk about their vision of the future and will want to know whether it matches your vision of the future. ‘wife benefits’ is just a catch all phrase in this context. As far as he’ll be concerned, that ring bought him the rest of your life together, making you something of an indentured servant to him while he makes all the major decisions about how to spend your money, where to live, how he spends his time (not with you, is my guess). Moving in indefinitely with someone whom you hope will propose to you doesn’t work for everyone. Rather, let him realize that you adore him. Marriage is something you decide together instead of some silly bended on one knee proposal. He’ll only shout at you and perhaps propose to keep you there doing his laundry. LW3: your entire relationship with this man was set up on broken promises: the lies he’s told his ex wife and kids over the years, and the lack of respect he’s shown to them and you. Miss Dre, I thought about you as soon as I read this letter. "I'm going to live with him for a year. How can I let him know I'm tired of waiting for a proposal without it coming off as an ultimatum? The marriage is then the legal expression, with all of it’s rights and obligations, of a commitment that already exists. dinoceros We've spoken about our future including children and where we'd live. Please help? CAROLYN HAX, SYNDICATED COLUMNIST. Miel June 3, 2013, 11:37 am. He’s the one stringing you along. LW1 Your value has nothing to do with whether your boyfriend proposes. @MaggieB, I'm tired of waiting and have told him this before. My husband and I were together for 3 years before he purposed, he bought the ring called his mom and cousin to him come up with an epic plan for the engagement left and came home while I was putting together Ikea furniture with wood glue all over me and paced the house like 8 times I thought he was getting ready to have a seizure and he came in the living room and got down on one knee and purposed. Learn at the present time what you have to do to make him tumble to his knees and beseech you to wed him. I mean, yeah, if the most important thing for you is to have a man who prioritizes the woman he’s committed to, you’re obviously with the wrong guy. 28 of 30 It’s so he doesn’t have to answer questions about when are we getting married and having kids… its so he can mold her into the perfect lapdog of a gf who does his laundry just the way he likes it and accepts the scraps of a relationship he’s willing to offer. If a guy who doesn’t respect the union he has with the woman he’s committed to and spends special occasions in the company of another woman is a deal-breaker for you, it looks like it’s time to move on, honey! I wanted to do something special but I really just wanted to go home and propose THAT DAY!” That’s what it’s supposed to look like. Concentrating additional time and vitality on your profession can demonstrate extremely gainful as well. SpaceySteph I’ve been with my boyfriend for seven years and we don’t even live together. I feel that I am losing my mind. Should I make him … Take that engagement ring and stick it where the sun don’t shine because I am moving on.”. Girl. I don’t mean that in a mean way at all; it’s just a fact in this specific instance. He doesn’t deserve you. Am I overreacting? Don’t Wait For Him To Put A Ring On It: Sure Signs He Isn’t Planning To Propose. SpaceySteph Eff that guy. I wish I had known better. You can achieve this by demonstrating to him certain things as opposed to letting him know. More likely, he got it for her before, she enjoyed it, and he saw it as an enjoyable gift. Good luck; I hope you get treated better now you can be an actual partner, but I’m not sure people who are that dishonest, and respect their relationships and parters that little can actually do that. Next time, try to hold out until they are divorced and actually ready to move on and you will probably have an easier time being incorporated into their life. He promises we are getting married and having children, but still no proposal. Shutterstock/Rawpixel. YOU are more than good enough. I’m not changing.” I blinked and swallowed, trying to buy myself a minute before responding. But that now you’re maturing and more serious about the relationship, he won’t entertain it. LW1: what should you do? If he wanted to, he would have. Your letter sounds so defeated. You can imagine my surprise when absolutely nothing changed after making such a monumental decision. Been there, done that too. LW1 – I dont know if he has the ring but do you really want to be with someone that is so excited to marry you they he has a ring and is holding out until who knows what. That all would be forgiven once he left his wife?? It isn’t you. Vathena I know this is not the case for everyone, but I see where you are coming from. Cleopatra Jones December 7, 2017, 2:19 pm. If he hasn’t proposed by now, he’s not going to. You want to get hitched and you’re becoming tired of calmly waiting for the day when you get the opportunity to wear a wedding band and plan a wedding. I wonder how little time he had for his kids because he was too busy being a cheat. But she was so scarred by the waiting game she had been put through that, you guessed it, she told him she couldn’t marry him. I see so many women who move in with a guy, and then take on the wife role (mingling finances, managing his family relationships, having kids, etc.) Ways to Make Him Want to Commit, Obvious Ways On How To Get A Guy To Propose To You. I could hear him continuing to rant, so I … Tell him he doesn’t deserve you, which is the truth. If I were him I would run away so fast from you that you may wonder if hellhpunds were chasing me . LW3 – You have had 23 years of practice for how your life will always be in this relationship. “I adore my beau and I’m tired of waiting for him to propose.” That sounds a dreadful part as you, isn’t that right? He’s saying the minimum of what you want to hear to keep you around for sex and laundry. But because he could not stand waiting we got engaged in the living room at 10 pm with me covered in wood glue. Hannanas in hopes that he will marry them. However, since I was a young girl (I'm almost 30, now. He is a really great person and we click. You have a huge chip on your shoulder and you are taking it out on the LW. You said you guys “just started dating” and “aren’t official”, which leads me to believe it’s still early enough in the relationship that you two are still getting to know each other better. When he gets frustrated that I'm so anxious I say "Ya know, if you were waiting for something to happen with no control over it for over a year, you'd be a little anxious, too!" Alternately, if you’re celebrating your second anniversary and nary a word has been said about exclusivity, the commitment conversation is long past due. No. I may be overreacting to this, but I can’t shake the feeling he bought it because *she* got one. As a feminist, I don’t support this idea that one of the most important decisions of your life should be made spontaneously, and possibly in public or in front of loved ones. It says to the world: I don't think much of myself, I have nothing worthwhile to do, there are no men who are interested in me besides this one, so I'm waiting for HIM. December 7, 2017, 1:04 pm. You aren’t flawed. You don’t need to wash his shirts. We got together at University, I was 19, he was 23. OMG, that first letter made me shudder. Also, wake up and MOA. Understanding why he won’t propose is the way to getting a commitment from him. You have already broken up their family, let them have SOMEthing. Warning - I'm ranting here, but i need someone to talk to about my situation. December 7, 2017, 10:41 am. Living together might or might not be the same commitment. As stupid as what you wrote is, though, I think you should end it since you’re so concerned about his ex from two(!) Is that a really stupid train of thought? So I read the part about looking her best on vacation more that she’s expecting the engagement so always trying to look camera ready. It’s not like you’ve spent Christmas together in 25 years, why start now? To what extent is too long to hold up and is there anything you can do to urge him to commit sooner? Wow! On the off chance that you are tired of putting your fantasies on hold since he’s commitment phobic, there are things you can do to make him want to wed you now. That is really sad. And P.S. Men have a clothing rundown of reasons for why they would prefer not to get hitched. That is the opposite of someone who wants to marry you. early on in our relationships . December 7, 2017, 10:33 am. SpaceySteph Don’t show up and ruin it for his ex and his kids; they are reminded of your existence daily; let them have this. I’m so tired of fighting with him about it. I've been bothering him about it a bit, and he says he's "waiting for the right time". This dude 27, was older than you are now, when you started dating. I don’t think he’d buy you one because she got one. His mother loves telling that story about how she had already called and talked to the restaurant about the proposal and where his parents and mine could watch. Advice: I'm tired of waiting for him to propose. You clearly detest this guy, so end the misery and take a break from dating. It woukdnt surprise me that he hasnt sone it, because she is a 100% ready for a proposal whenever and wherever, talk, about pressure and taking out the spontaneity, SpaceySteph I’m in love with this man and I know he loves me. December 7, 2017, 11:04 am, Lol, “this dude was 27” that first line should read, Cleopatra Jones If he says “no” or “not yet” or indicates that you have to go by his timetable, you move the fuck on. On the off chance that a man is dreadful of supporting his family and any future kids, he’ll feel better realizing that she’s as committed as he is to profiting. Get out, girl. LW1, the only thing going through my mind when I read Wendy’s response was: FUCK YEAH. I would stop worrying about the ex and snooping on her social media pages. He refuses to have that joint conversation so you can’t say that they have the same commitment as marriage. To answer the question, I realised I wanted to marry him in January of insert year many decades ago here . I’m 34 and he’s 36. This will address the way that you’re not going to surrender your vocation after marriage. You know why a grown man dates a teenager? It was not spontaneous. According to Tuko, Gertrude Ngoma grew tired of waiting for … I think if you have to beg a guy to propose to you, it doesn’t sound good. January 13, 2020, 1:31 am, LW1: Girl, you deserve better. December 7, 2017, 3:49 pm. And if he does propose soon, will the feelings I'm having while waiting (hurt, confused, mentally exhausted) go away once he proposes? If he has the ring and hasn’t purposed do you really want him, I wouldn’t. It makes you jealous and miserble when the people you love get married or have kids because you wish you were. LW2 – Enjoy the cookie cake, and grow up and quit stalking his ex’s. It is very important for a woman to know how the man she is dating feels and whether he will eventually step up and propose. LW1 I have to agree with Wendy it is time to move on. I'm tired of people asking us why we're "waiting so long" to get married… He is in the midst of graduate school, and we are both still financially dependent on our parents. Also, it’s food. You don’t say if he’s friendly still with his ex (not “I haven’t gotten over her” friendly, I mean, but “our breakup didn’t suck and doesn’t define us as people” friendly), but I think it’s entirely possible that — not knowing you as well as he will in the future — he saw the picture, thought “Hey, women must like this stuff because she liked it!” and got you the cake. December 9, 2017, 11:32 pm. You might wonder if something is up, but it's not what you think because it's not anything bad. That’s what happened to me. Is that what you want? I personally feel that if you want to be married then don’t move in with a guy without a definitive wedding date. I just said forget about it. Sweetie, it’s 2017, and you’re not Cinderella, doing laundry while you wait for the prince to bring you the glass slipper. I mean, am I supposed to jump for joy if he goes down on one knee? GET OUT. Im driving myself crazy!! If she loves tennis (and you hate it), and he got you a tennis racket, that would be a problem. We even got a dog. But you can get through it LW, and you’ll be stronger for it. Twitter. You are internalizing his actions as some sort of flaw on your part. MissDre I want to leave but I’m so afraid I’ll lose him forever. It's been two years since I've said I'm tired of waiting. teenagers/young adults, which I’m guess you are one of). 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